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Supporting Seniors with Mental Health Conditions
Our friends at caring.com reached out to us recently to share an important message. There are many individuals over the age of 55 who struggle with mental health conditions. In an effort to provide more help and guidance during this time, we would like to recommend anyone affected (or anyone who knows someone affected in this way) to view this article in hopes that this will provide some resources for treatment. Remember, you never have to do this alone.
Motivation Is Overrated
I know that might be a controversial take given the emphasis we place on motivation as a society, but hear me out.
Let’s take a typical scenario that we need motivation for, in this case, exercise. Conventional wisdom tells us that in order to exercise we need to increase our motivation. If we could effectively do this we could surely lose weight, increase our strength, etc. But that’s a big “if” that motivation tactics seldom effectively address. These tactics tell us we need to find the “right” goal, or punish or reward ourselves for achieving or not achieving the goal. The challenge with these methods is they fail to effectively acknowledge that motivation is fighting an uphill battle against human nature. Humans are inherently efficient and it’s important that we are that way. What is often oversimplified as laziness is often the body and mind doing what evolution has conditioned us to do, to take the path of least resistance, do what conserves energy, and above all to survive.
For ages, unknown humans struggled to survive against the cold, unforgiving challenges of living on earth with things like threats from animals, other humans, and starvation. In order to survive, conservation and rest were extremely important factors that maximized the likelihood you would outlast a given danger. If you live in a developed country then chances are good that you don’t battle these challenges at the same level as your ancestors. Nevertheless, they have passed their survivalist traits onto you. It is this mismatch between our modern ecosystem and our anciently formed brains that can make things like losing weight so difficult.
I like to compare this to using Windows 95 on a modern computer. The software was great for its time, just not today. So what is the solution? The answer to that lies in working with and not against human nature. I call this letting your environment do the heavy lifting. For instance, if you want to work out more frequently make it as easy as you possibly can, to do so. Keep a small dumbbell near your couch. Keep exercise clothes on when you go to bed so you can work out in the morning. Better yet don’t work out in the morning if you know that’s a time you’ll struggle. If you want to eat healthier find food you enjoy that is healthy and limit access to food that is unhealthy. For me, that looks like only buying ice cream at a restaurant and never keeping it in my freezer.
It’s at this point I usually hear the most objections. “But I should be able to work out in the morning. I’m just not trying hard enough.” Or “I could buy ice cream from restaurants instead but it’s less cost-effective.” To address the first objection I’d say first that being overly hard on yourself won’t help you achieve your goals.
Research shows that punishments and rewards tend to decrease motivation rather than increase it. Great is so often the enemy of good. Secondly, what you “should” be able to do is less important than what you are able to do and what you are able to do is less important than what you will do. In terms of cost-effectiveness, I have a lot of sympathy. Money is a precious and limited resource for many people and that specific suggestion should not be applied in every situation. But if you are in a position to do so, I would argue that you are buying not just ice cream, but maintenance of your goals.
Whether you apply that idea or not the principle is to create an environment that makes your goals as natural as possible. Motivation is therefore not doing the heavy lifting and rather than being motivated all the time, you need only to be motivated at the right times.
For more help and insights on motivation, check out this article from Psychology Today.
Ways To Find Greater Happiness: Part One
Happiness is possibly the most sought-after object of life. How to find it can be elusive and
temporary. My goal in this post is to talk about one definition of happiness, discuss important ways to be happy, and share some of my own insights as a counselor.
So what exactly is happiness?
To answer that question, it’s important to first look at what happiness is not.
Happiness is not simply an emotional experience. It is a lifestyle that is conducive to an emotional experience. Happiness is not the absence of pain or discomfort. Avoidance of emotions and efforts to numb certain emotions through food, tv, drugs etc. can reduce our capacity for experiencing all emotions and/or make unpleasant emotions more powerful. Researcher and speaker Brene’ Brown aptly says we cannot “selectively numb”.
Happiness also isn’t a goal we can obtain alone by a change in circumstances or life events such as significant wealth, though these can and do factor in.
All of these things applied in healthy ways can be useful, but happiness as I define it here is “Openness to all our emotional experiences while simultaneously moving toward our
values and goals”. That’s a mouthful, but what it means to me is simply working with and not against reality.
When we avoid or seek quick fixes through dopamine rushes we are trying to avoid reality because we find it unpleasant and these types of activities provide temporary relief. To truly change the unpleasant, we have to first acknowledge its existence. It is from this position that we are enabled to make meaningful changes within the confines of reality.
That raises the natural question: What meaningful activities are there?
Some things research tells us can increase happiness include:
- Building better relationships
- Seeking greater meaning
- Practicing gratitude
- Exercising
- Practicing mindfulness or meditation
Many of these can be combined and don’t need to be time-consuming. You could do mindfulness while you exercise. You could practice gratitude in your relationships. You could exercise with a friend, find meaning in connection with their life, and thank them for their role in your life, all in a short period of time. What you do will depend on your situation, interests, and needs, but I encourage you to find small ways to practice some of these habits.
I will cover each of these topics in greater detail as part of this series on happiness, but as a starting place consider how these things play a role in your life currently. Consider what might be lacking. Use this as a catalyst for how you can best utilize the articles to come. Until next time, stay anchored!
If you’d like more information on the dangers of emotional numbing, check out Berné Brown’s Ted Talk here!
To view our other blog posts, click here! To schedule an appointment, click here!
Three Ways To Manage Anxiety
Provide An Answer to the Question Anxiety is Asking
For instance, if you have an anxious thought such as “What if you looked stupid while you were eating?” try to answer that question as reasonably as you can. The reality is that it probably won’t be significant. If you looked stupid then others will likely forget or not care and your other actions will demonstrate your intelligence. You could also consider the worst-case scenario. Try to create the most ridiculous set of outcomes that could grow out of this fear. See how you feel afterward.
Wait Two Minutes Before Acting
Refocus your attention as well as you are able to. If you successfully wait two minutes, wait some more. How do you feel after that? You may not feel better and that’s okay. The greater the distance between your anxiety and your response the better. Even if you don’t make it a full two minutes take heart that you have practiced resistance to the impulses of anxiety and often the development of this skill is much more important than the immediate success of the skill.
Challenge The Anxiety
This may be the hardest one yet, but sometimes when we feel anxious the best treatment is to lean into the anxiety so our brains can recognize how unrealistic our fears are. If you worry about looking ugly, go out publicly with disheveled hair. If you are afraid of spiders, watch videos of spiders for 5 minutes. If you’re afraid of germs, touch a countertop and don’t wash your hands for an hour. You might notice some reduction in anxiety if you repeatedly try this.
For more strategies to manage anxiety, check out this article from Psychology Today.
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