Happiness is possibly the most sought-after object of life. How to find it can be elusive and
temporary. My goal in this post is to talk about one definition of happiness, discuss important ways to be happy, and share some of my own insights as a counselor.
So what exactly is happiness?
To answer that question, it’s important to first look at what happiness is not.
Happiness is not simply an emotional experience. It is a lifestyle that is conducive to an emotional experience. Happiness is not the absence of pain or discomfort. Avoidance of emotions and efforts to numb certain emotions through food, tv, drugs etc. can reduce our capacity for experiencing all emotions and/or make unpleasant emotions more powerful. Researcher and speaker Brene’ Brown aptly says we cannot “selectively numb”.
Happiness also isn’t a goal we can obtain alone by a change in circumstances or life events such as significant wealth, though these can and do factor in.
All of these things applied in healthy ways can be useful, but happiness as I define it here is “Openness to all our emotional experiences while simultaneously moving toward our
values and goals”. That’s a mouthful, but what it means to me is simply working with and not against reality.
When we avoid or seek quick fixes through dopamine rushes we are trying to avoid reality because we find it unpleasant and these types of activities provide temporary relief. To truly change the unpleasant, we have to first acknowledge its existence. It is from this position that we are enabled to make meaningful changes within the confines of reality.
That raises the natural question: What meaningful activities are there?
Some things research tells us can increase happiness include:
- Building better relationships
- Seeking greater meaning
- Practicing gratitude
- Exercising
- Practicing mindfulness or meditation
Many of these can be combined and don’t need to be time-consuming. You could do mindfulness while you exercise. You could practice gratitude in your relationships. You could exercise with a friend, find meaning in connection with their life, and thank them for their role in your life, all in a short period of time. What you do will depend on your situation, interests, and needs, but I encourage you to find small ways to practice some of these habits.
I will cover each of these topics in greater detail as part of this series on happiness, but as a starting place consider how these things play a role in your life currently. Consider what might be lacking. Use this as a catalyst for how you can best utilize the articles to come. Until next time, stay anchored!
If you’d like more information on the dangers of emotional numbing, check out Berné Brown’s Ted Talk here!
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